how to open a can of salmon

one might think that a simple meal of salmon on crackers would be just that... simple. that one does not have the same problems i do. rather than go into extreme details about how to open a can of salmon, i shall simply post the results of my method:


my walking buddy is sure to get a kick out of this. he continues to tell me that he'll purchase a dozen can openers so i'll have one for every room of my apt, for my truck, for both offices, one to chain to the counter, one to keep in my purse, one for the school bag, etc. yikes.

of course, my method is not the only way to open a can of salmon. this is also a good method:


this second method would depend, however, on the presence of the can opener itself.

re: the nightmare: talking to the people involved does in fact help a person not feel like warmed-over crap. it still bothers me, and i still see the more disturbing moments with vivid detail, but having talked it out, i know what issues my brain was dealing with and that it simply supplied the structure it knew would have the biggest impact.

i still long for an on-off switch.

and a can opener.

love and peace.

the perils of imagination

sometimes, i really regret having an imagination.

like when i have a mirror in a room and it's dark, and i can't think of anything beyond the mirrorverse where my doppelganger lurks seeking revenge.

or when think too heavily on the blue lady one afternoon and then can't get her out of my head when it's time to sleep that night.

or when i have the plain, old, regular nightmares, the kind that don't involve silly fantastical fears, the kind i'm pretty sure everyone has, but where everyone else seems to be able to get over them in a few minutes, i'm sitting here wishing it weren't getting darker and darker, later and later, closer and closer to bedtime.

because i'm still unable to get it out of my head. because it was a real nightmare, not one of those where the events are implausible. because it involved people i love, not faceless dream people who represent something else. because when i woke up, i wanted to remember my dream actions differently so that i wasn't ashamed of myself.

because i made myself remember exactly what i did in that nightmare. and the results. the expression i cannot forget, that i never wanted to see. and even though i know it was a nightmare, that my brain was running around experimenting with odds and ends it collected during my waking hours, that in fact the basic nightmare-plot was one i've seen played out in films, in sermons, in fiction and nonfiction pieces short and long, that the actions of a dream self are not the actions of a waking self, and that a waking self should not be held accountable for them... even though all those things, i just can't seem to forgive myself.

and that's silly. how could i have a hard time forgiving myself for something i've not done, but have only dreamed i did? still, i wish it were noon so i'd have that many more hours to try before i go back to bed.

because that's one of the things that sucks about having an imagination. you can't turn it off, and it shows you some of the most horrible things you're capable of doing and being, and some of the most spectacular things you aren't capable of doing or being. and it lingers. when you can sometimes achieve semi-lucid if not completely lucid dreams, how can you ever be sure that what your dream self does is not what you directed it to do?

turn back the clock. turn it back. let it be dawn again and i drag myself out of bed where i sat awake for hours. let the night not come tonight. let me give up imagination for peace, just tonight. please.

love and peace.

long time, no blog, eh?

yeah, it's been forever. i went home for a while, helped my dad build a spectacular deck, messed around with goats, etc.

and then i came back, went to work, did all that sort of thing.

the vacation worked wonders for me, let me tell you. the things that pissed me off before i left don't piss me off now. i mean, they are irksome in some ways, but manageable. and if don't let them get out of control, they shouldn't become major issues again.

we had a stressful week at work last week. some circular conversations with higher up tech support people, some irate users, some major flame-outs. it was a blast. on a non-sarcastic note, it was much easier to resolve in post-vacation mode than it would have been otherwise. i like post-vacation mode.

little charlotte came back missing ten fingertips, a decision i made by ignoring my ethical objections with declawing and weighing only the logical pros and cons of the situation. i still don't feel good about the decision, but it's done. she's a lot heavier than festus, and while she doesn't have any behavior problems on the return, she's still unsteady on her feet. that should clear up with time, but it's hard to watch.

she and festus still wrestle, but she gets fed up with it a lot sooner these days. old days, she'd swipe him good and he'd take off. end of fight. now she swipes him good and he keeps at it, and she ends up hissing and growling and puffing up. so yeah, the playing field is even now. festus needs to learn the new signals, though.

festus actually came back from boarding and was out and about in the apt the first night. i'd been anticipating a festus-free several days as he cowered under the bed and only snuck out at night to eat, drink, and use the box. but no, he was fine after about an hour. a dramatic improvement in his personality, if i do say so myself.

i've decided to try that thing, the 101 goals in 1001 days thing. it'll be fun hard. but good for me. the itemized list of things i need to be working toward will help keep me focused. at the very least it'll be better than the day-to-day lists that sometimes ensure i'm so swamped in the little things that the big things get forgotten.

i'm especially proud of number 38. "pare down possessions to 1001 things."

there's this radical unclutter thing going around where you eliminate possessions until you're down to 100. that's crazy. that's simply not possible for me at this point in my life. i have hobbies. books. papers and research and manuscripts and other professional items. and i'm a student at the moment, so i don't have time to go hard-core on this. i figure ten times the stuff should be simple easy not as difficult for me. and since it's 101 goals in 1001 days, 1001 sounded like a neater number to shoot for on this personalized rampage. [if google records this post as potential red flag for violent tendencies based on that last sentence, then our society needs serious help]

there are some rules i'm imposing on the process, of course. again, this is for my own personal satisfaction, not for some cultish devotion to the anti-stuff community. [no offense is meant toward, and none should be taken by said community... i deeply admire you for your uncluttered nature, but i have no desire or need to take things as far as all that]

• clothing is clothing. it's an item. see? this is easier already.
  
• the book collection is a book collection. i'm an academic. give me a break. i am not, however, a music afficionado [afficionada?]. therefore, each CD is an item.... unless i reach 1000 items and only have room for one CD, in which case, it's a "collection."
  
• the computer's parts and peripherals are one item, though the printer is another item to itself.
  
• sets are sets. each fork is not an item. each "set of silverware" is an item. i have three. clearly this needs to change. similarly, sets of dishes are sets. weirdly shaped cups and mugs, however, are items.
  
• consumables are not going to be counted. it's silly to count a tub of litter/bag of cat food/stack of canned tuna/carton of strawberries/head of lettuce/etc. as an item in this thing. these are not possessions as such because they are continually being consumed and replaced. now, if i started to save egg cartons, each carton would be an item. the bin the cat food is stored in is an item. see?
  
• files will obviously be a single item here. i mean, let's be honest. the filing system itself is completely necessary, and no risks must be taken in this area.
  
• the furniture is furniture. my current desk comes in pieces. it's still one item. the IKEA furniture, while highly modular, is an item. it'd be stupid to count each shelf, pin, brace as an item to itself.
  

while this will be something of a challenge, i think it's a good one to take up. i've got until friday, may 6th, 2011 to have this done, after all. the whole list thing took me so long to compile that i had to just assign a start date. start date is this sunday.

so i guess wish me luck on it. or call me insane. are the two mutually exclusive? anyway, now it's posted. that makes it more real. like i'm more accountable for getting it done. even if it is the watered-down version of the 100 things challenge.

love and peace!