oh boy

every so often, i do stupid things.

i think i've just done one now. but i won't know for sure until later next week.

sigh. my first reaction was to say "no" as loudly as my vanished voice could manage and shut down the email program. (also, this week someone left a phone message about a laptop problem, so i was admittedly primed to balk at computer issues) but after trying not to think about it for a while, it just came to me that it will be a good opportunity at the best, and a good learning experience at the worst. drat this thing called a conscience.

on the one hand: it will look great on a CV, earn me points with this professional organization i'd be helping out, and generally not be anything i'm terribly unused to doing. and think of the networking opportunities both with the presenters and with the others being roped into asked to do this.

on the other hand: i'd really hoped that IT was behind me by a long way. and i'll be stressed enough about chairing my panel and presenting my paper. and now i'll be assuming other presenters' stress as well while i hook up AV equipment moments before they present.

so far, the pros outweigh the cons on a karmic scale. and it is, after all, the nice and right thing to do. when challenges appear, and you're not sure you're up to facing them, sometimes you've just got to go ahead and accept, even if the challenge is a wee bit frightening. (and to be honest, trying to help strangers you need to impress who are under the influence of a huge case of nerves and who have a highly time-sensative problem to be fixed that might just involve a mac or something you don't know how to opperate in front of a potentially huge crowd of other people you should be impressing counts as a wee bit frightening, even after over three years of doing this sort of thing in the english dept.)

but.

if it's known that i can be counted on in any way to do last minute IT stuff at conferences, i may regret this thing.

i just hope my voice comes back for the actual conference and that i'm not contagious when i do IT stuff. there's nothing good and right about infecting all the people i'd be helping. (and let's face it, i'd rather not be miserable while out of town. you don't get suckered into a $200+/night hotel room for a conference and spend both nights too sore and achey to enjoy what must be luxury.)

i'm sure it will all go well. it was the right thing to do. just not the thing i wanted to do. sometimes (many times in fact) it just works out that way.

well, it's finally late enough to take the next dose. i'm off to bed. or the futon. we'll see how far i get tonight.

love and peace!