Subliminal Messages are Rampant in Lord of the Rings.

What?

You read me right. That prologue of Bilbo’s, with the clearance to eat like a hobbit and be happy like a hobbit? You didn’t see that? Or how about Mithrandir, old Gandalf the Grey? He’s called that because of the smoke that hangs about his head all hours of the day. And these are just the beginning.

I ask you, after watching Denethor tear up that chicken something a hundred times in a row, you *will* want chicken. Trust me. Because I couldn’t stand it this evening, and found myself longing so badly for chicken that I abandoned my paper like the Ring did Gollum, and bounced my way out to United for a whole chicken. Yes, sir. One whole chicken. They had a single lonely chicken left, and I took it. It was barbeque, and I took it. I ate it gleefully (not all of it, or even most of it, but enough to stave off the cravings).

What about the scene where Gollum first bites into a “raw and wriggling” fish? Yep. That’s subliminal too. It says loud and clear: Eat less fish. Eat more chikin (apologies to the Chick-Fil-A moo cows).

Why then is the federation of animals united against poultry? Why do the moo cows and the silver fish point hoof and flipper toward chicken and bid us eat?

Because in my currently demented state, I can make a fine case for the fell beasts being the love children of chickens and snakes. Those feathery things on their spines? Their scales and suspiciously long and snake-like necks? Only two legs, mind you, and still very mobile without their heads. Wings? Hello?

Oh yes.

Should we give this up now, Precious?

Yes. Papers need writing, and chicken needs refrigerating.

gollum, gollum!