Behold, the power of the "Enter" key...
Okay folks. I've had, since about noon, nearly one gallon of tea. Really strong tea. Tea with caffeine. I've also been grading these silly little children. It's not going so well in the tactful comment department. I had this one kid. He didn't revise a thing. Turned in the same F-ing assignment twice. Tried to pass it off as confusion. I'm not stupid. I'm able to read his other drafts, and can tell that his last FOUR graders told him to change the same thing. He hasn't. It was time to get mean. I got mean. Below, you will find the comment it took me an hour to revise into politeness:
First comment: Your last 4 graders have commented on your habit of writing assignments with only one long paragraph. You have ignored them. I will try once more. PLEASE make judicious use of your "Enter" key. It is inconvenient and hard on the eyes to read a towering column of text. Also, your readers will have a difficult time finding/following lines in the text, since they all blend into one chunk. Each idea needs to have its own paragraph. This is important, since a reader is influenced by the appearance of the text as well as by that text's content. Behold, the power of the "Enter" key:
Now, about the actual content of your draft: This draft is, with the exception of about 30 words, identical to the last draft you turned in. The whole point of the draft system is that students revise their writing. Revision means writing the thing differently. It means improving as you move on. It means that you don't turn in the same draft twice.
Since you've done so little work here, I don't think you deserve even a single point of credit for this assignment. But I'll take the time to address the criteria for this assignment just to let you know how poorly you did. (Note to you bloggers: this used to read "But I'll settle for failing you.")
What exactly is the problem here? Is it that people are too busy? That they don't stop at gyms anymore? That gyms are becoming outdated? That gyms are losing money? You are not clear here about what your problem is.
Since the draft isn't one iota different from the 2.2, it naturally doesn't meet the scope criterion.
You've got a couple of vague solutions, including adding on to the gym, adding tanning beds, day care, different hours, and barring men or women from the gym during certain hours. There are many of these solutions, but none of them are discussed in length.
There is not recommendation for the decision maker, which is another new criterion you couldn't possibly have met with an old draft.
The same two sources are present, which weren't enough for the 3.2, and certainly aren't enough for the 3.3.
For grammar, your last instructor told you to keep a formal voice, and even pointed out an instance where you used an informal voice. You haven't changed it.
In short, you meet, out of 6 criteria, a total of 1 criterion. (Note to bloggers: I took out "Congratulations!" at this point.) This is why we tell you to revise your work.
This draft is insufficient, and will not earn you a passing grade.
Now, I ask you, wasn't that a nice comment? And I even gave the child forty points more than I had planned on giving. He got a 40%. I'm so kind!
No, but seriously, this trend is pissing me off. So many of these precious ones have decided that since the system is anonymous, they can fleece graders by turning things in twice, or by pretending that the other graders have said something or another was okay. Now, there's a chance that this particular child thought changing the spelling of three words and adding two commas, a period and a total of 30 words would be enough. But I doubt it. By now, the revision thing has been drilled into them. And when the last 4 people (FOUR POEPLE!!) tell you your writing is illegible due to lack of formatting, you'd think the tender babe would revise that. Right?
And that's the rant. The next three drafts each got an A. I was thankful for the paragraphs, and the effort to meet the criteria. They probably earned mid range B's, but you know? Every grade is partly the product of the draft, and partly the product of the drafts that went before.
Other than that, E and I raided the luncheon. We were like the Grinch, really. First, we made off with a platter piled with cookies. Then we came back for the brownies. The lunch meats and cheeses. Two loaves of bread. The lettuce, tomato, pickle and onion platter. The bags of chips (Doritos, Ruffles, Pretzels). The lemon juice packets, the salt, pepper, mustard, mayo, BBQ sauce, soy sauce and coffee creamer. The sugar, Equal, Sweet N Low, and coffee straws. The plastic cups, the Styrofoam cups, the plates. Two gallons of tea, and all the napkins (red and white). Forks, spoons, knives. We took it all. We gave nothing back. It is hidden in the graduate lounge (and our offices).
Then, there was a free dinner in Ed building, which we attended, of course. It is recruitment weekend, so there is stuff to do and eat all over the place. The best bit of all is that, as grad students, we are invited to everything in hopes that we'll convince them all to join us. And, before I get scathing reviews from the parental unit, we were invited to take all that food, etc. The English department had paid for it, and if it didn't disappear, the catering people would take it back. So.
That's my day. Car's inspected, food's stolen, drafts are graded, and tea is nearing the empty mark. Time to break out the second jug.
End.
First comment: Your last 4 graders have commented on your habit of writing assignments with only one long paragraph. You have ignored them. I will try once more. PLEASE make judicious use of your "Enter" key. It is inconvenient and hard on the eyes to read a towering column of text. Also, your readers will have a difficult time finding/following lines in the text, since they all blend into one chunk. Each idea needs to have its own paragraph. This is important, since a reader is influenced by the appearance of the text as well as by that text's content. Behold, the power of the "Enter" key:
Now, about the actual content of your draft: This draft is, with the exception of about 30 words, identical to the last draft you turned in. The whole point of the draft system is that students revise their writing. Revision means writing the thing differently. It means improving as you move on. It means that you don't turn in the same draft twice.
Since you've done so little work here, I don't think you deserve even a single point of credit for this assignment. But I'll take the time to address the criteria for this assignment just to let you know how poorly you did. (Note to you bloggers: this used to read "But I'll settle for failing you.")
What exactly is the problem here? Is it that people are too busy? That they don't stop at gyms anymore? That gyms are becoming outdated? That gyms are losing money? You are not clear here about what your problem is.
Since the draft isn't one iota different from the 2.2, it naturally doesn't meet the scope criterion.
You've got a couple of vague solutions, including adding on to the gym, adding tanning beds, day care, different hours, and barring men or women from the gym during certain hours. There are many of these solutions, but none of them are discussed in length.
There is not recommendation for the decision maker, which is another new criterion you couldn't possibly have met with an old draft.
The same two sources are present, which weren't enough for the 3.2, and certainly aren't enough for the 3.3.
For grammar, your last instructor told you to keep a formal voice, and even pointed out an instance where you used an informal voice. You haven't changed it.
In short, you meet, out of 6 criteria, a total of 1 criterion. (Note to bloggers: I took out "Congratulations!" at this point.) This is why we tell you to revise your work.
This draft is insufficient, and will not earn you a passing grade.
Now, I ask you, wasn't that a nice comment? And I even gave the child forty points more than I had planned on giving. He got a 40%. I'm so kind!
No, but seriously, this trend is pissing me off. So many of these precious ones have decided that since the system is anonymous, they can fleece graders by turning things in twice, or by pretending that the other graders have said something or another was okay. Now, there's a chance that this particular child thought changing the spelling of three words and adding two commas, a period and a total of 30 words would be enough. But I doubt it. By now, the revision thing has been drilled into them. And when the last 4 people (FOUR POEPLE!!) tell you your writing is illegible due to lack of formatting, you'd think the tender babe would revise that. Right?
And that's the rant. The next three drafts each got an A. I was thankful for the paragraphs, and the effort to meet the criteria. They probably earned mid range B's, but you know? Every grade is partly the product of the draft, and partly the product of the drafts that went before.
Other than that, E and I raided the luncheon. We were like the Grinch, really. First, we made off with a platter piled with cookies. Then we came back for the brownies. The lunch meats and cheeses. Two loaves of bread. The lettuce, tomato, pickle and onion platter. The bags of chips (Doritos, Ruffles, Pretzels). The lemon juice packets, the salt, pepper, mustard, mayo, BBQ sauce, soy sauce and coffee creamer. The sugar, Equal, Sweet N Low, and coffee straws. The plastic cups, the Styrofoam cups, the plates. Two gallons of tea, and all the napkins (red and white). Forks, spoons, knives. We took it all. We gave nothing back. It is hidden in the graduate lounge (and our offices).
Then, there was a free dinner in Ed building, which we attended, of course. It is recruitment weekend, so there is stuff to do and eat all over the place. The best bit of all is that, as grad students, we are invited to everything in hopes that we'll convince them all to join us. And, before I get scathing reviews from the parental unit, we were invited to take all that food, etc. The English department had paid for it, and if it didn't disappear, the catering people would take it back. So.
That's my day. Car's inspected, food's stolen, drafts are graded, and tea is nearing the empty mark. Time to break out the second jug.
End.
posted by Rehkmira @ 23:10
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