a close call
a long, long while back, when i was taking a course in feminism, there was a student in the class who no one wanted anything to do with. this student was crass, said stupid, distracting things during discussions, was shallow in regards to the most serious of topics, and was overall the sort of person i at least would never want to encounter alone, whether it was day or night, in an alley, car park, corridor, room, open field, you name it. i actually think there might be some danger in such a meeting. this student always struck me as a potential rapist.
this student wanted to join me and another student on the final project. we'd discussed our topics in the class prior, and we had decided to study genital mutiliation in third world countries. this third student wanted to join us because, and i paraphrase, s/he was really into that, and stuff. i hastily declined his/her offer, saying that we had changed our topic to [insert lots and lots of big theoretical words here]. s/he chose a different group.
i bring this up because i had a similar moment today. the project is a presentation on an electronic scholarly edition of some text or person or other. excitement, especially when the variety of cool stuff to look at is so wide open. there is an even number of students in the class, and we are to pair up or work alone, however we decide. obviously, it will be more work to do this alone. there was a list of readily available editions, and it was generally expected that we would choose one of them.
i've apparently become a medievalist without meaning to. the 19th century stuff wasn't doing it for me, and i asked to do the exeter book. there's this really cool cd-rom edition of it that has the lines in various print editions keyed to the recto and verso of all the leaves, and you can enlarge the manuscript facsimiles, and all sorts of drool-worthy things. my request was granted.
there are now an odd number of students in the class who are available for pairing up. we've got one of those students no one wants to have anything to do with in our class, and s/he decided to join me. this is the student who is only interested in what s/he writes, and is, obviously, not going to be interested in the writings of others for this edition work, especially not old stuff like 19th century. imagine, being forced to present on ambrose bierce. the horror.
fortunately for me, the edition is on cd-rom, so only one person can even look at it at a time. it's pointless to work in pairs on it unless there are either two copies of the edition (there aren't) or the partners trade off working with it. this edition is the baby of one of our faculty. this faculty member might trust me with it (i haven't heard back yet), but will certainly not trust this unknown person. so therefore, if i get my hands on the edition, i will not trust this unknown person either.
you don't get far in life letting people borrow things that you're borrowing when the person you're borrowing from is fearful of any damage. for one, i'd be responsible for anything and everything that happens to the edition, no matter who scratches it or whatever. this sucker's over 200 bucks. like hell it's leaving me once i get it.
all these reasons came to my rescue after i floundered in the first part. see, my first response was an incredulous look. s/he stated that s/he wasn't interested in anything else. i told him/her that in that case s/he would definitely not be interested in the old english. s/he got defensive and said that if i didn't want to work with him/her i should just say so (with the implication being that i was a bad person if i said so). i'm just plain terrible at face to face confrontations. so i'm incredibly thankful that the logistics wouldn't have worked out even if i'd been dying to work with this fellow student.
toward the end of the class, some other partnership became merciful and let him/her into their ranks. sadly, i anticipate their grade dropping by at least a letter because of this. the professor grades group efforts like group efforts. the last person to work with this student failed the assignment.
there is a small part of me that feels sad about it, though. while i seriously doubt this student would have actually enjoyed this project, and while i know, logically, that working with this student would have exposed me to a constant string of complaints about the professor, class, assignment, edition, old english language, anglo-saxon studies in general, and state of affairs at the department level... while i know or strongly suspect these things, i can't help but wonder if this might have been a chance for him/her to see how a creative writer can be interested in something beyond themselves. what if this was the potential turning point where s/he could find an interest, maybe become a medievalist, too?
in the end, though, however sad i feel at the thought of what might have been, i think i made the right decision. not just for the logistic reasons, or because partnering with this student would have been death to my grade. but because it would have been a miserable experience that would have caused undo stress and anxiety, on top of the damage from exposure to that sort of negativity. i am, after all, seeking to attain a more positive outlook myself.
about some things, one must be selfish.
l and p
this student wanted to join me and another student on the final project. we'd discussed our topics in the class prior, and we had decided to study genital mutiliation in third world countries. this third student wanted to join us because, and i paraphrase, s/he was really into that, and stuff. i hastily declined his/her offer, saying that we had changed our topic to [insert lots and lots of big theoretical words here]. s/he chose a different group.
i bring this up because i had a similar moment today. the project is a presentation on an electronic scholarly edition of some text or person or other. excitement, especially when the variety of cool stuff to look at is so wide open. there is an even number of students in the class, and we are to pair up or work alone, however we decide. obviously, it will be more work to do this alone. there was a list of readily available editions, and it was generally expected that we would choose one of them.
i've apparently become a medievalist without meaning to. the 19th century stuff wasn't doing it for me, and i asked to do the exeter book. there's this really cool cd-rom edition of it that has the lines in various print editions keyed to the recto and verso of all the leaves, and you can enlarge the manuscript facsimiles, and all sorts of drool-worthy things. my request was granted.
there are now an odd number of students in the class who are available for pairing up. we've got one of those students no one wants to have anything to do with in our class, and s/he decided to join me. this is the student who is only interested in what s/he writes, and is, obviously, not going to be interested in the writings of others for this edition work, especially not old stuff like 19th century. imagine, being forced to present on ambrose bierce. the horror.
fortunately for me, the edition is on cd-rom, so only one person can even look at it at a time. it's pointless to work in pairs on it unless there are either two copies of the edition (there aren't) or the partners trade off working with it. this edition is the baby of one of our faculty. this faculty member might trust me with it (i haven't heard back yet), but will certainly not trust this unknown person. so therefore, if i get my hands on the edition, i will not trust this unknown person either.
you don't get far in life letting people borrow things that you're borrowing when the person you're borrowing from is fearful of any damage. for one, i'd be responsible for anything and everything that happens to the edition, no matter who scratches it or whatever. this sucker's over 200 bucks. like hell it's leaving me once i get it.
all these reasons came to my rescue after i floundered in the first part. see, my first response was an incredulous look. s/he stated that s/he wasn't interested in anything else. i told him/her that in that case s/he would definitely not be interested in the old english. s/he got defensive and said that if i didn't want to work with him/her i should just say so (with the implication being that i was a bad person if i said so). i'm just plain terrible at face to face confrontations. so i'm incredibly thankful that the logistics wouldn't have worked out even if i'd been dying to work with this fellow student.
toward the end of the class, some other partnership became merciful and let him/her into their ranks. sadly, i anticipate their grade dropping by at least a letter because of this. the professor grades group efforts like group efforts. the last person to work with this student failed the assignment.
there is a small part of me that feels sad about it, though. while i seriously doubt this student would have actually enjoyed this project, and while i know, logically, that working with this student would have exposed me to a constant string of complaints about the professor, class, assignment, edition, old english language, anglo-saxon studies in general, and state of affairs at the department level... while i know or strongly suspect these things, i can't help but wonder if this might have been a chance for him/her to see how a creative writer can be interested in something beyond themselves. what if this was the potential turning point where s/he could find an interest, maybe become a medievalist, too?
in the end, though, however sad i feel at the thought of what might have been, i think i made the right decision. not just for the logistic reasons, or because partnering with this student would have been death to my grade. but because it would have been a miserable experience that would have caused undo stress and anxiety, on top of the damage from exposure to that sort of negativity. i am, after all, seeking to attain a more positive outlook myself.
about some things, one must be selfish.
l and p
posted by Rehkmira @ 21:24
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