wow

i know there are all sorts of books on how to raise your child 'right' and that millions of parents are so worried about doing it 'wrong' that these books fly off the shelves at break-spine speed. i will decline to comment on the percentage of parents i feel have gotten it 'right' based on my experiences with their children. it's only polite of me not to be overly judgemental, after all.

nevertheless, here is a glowing example of a parent who is getting it dead wrong, and i feel no need for quote marks:

Dear Prudie,
My daughter is 5 years old and has, like most girls her age, a hamper's worth of stuffed animals. While she has her favorites, she constantly wants more and usually connives to get someone (read: her grandparents) into procuring a new one every couple of weeks. The new one immediately becomes her favorite and she must sleep with it every night and haul it around half the day. My question is: Does this behavior indicate she'll be overly promiscuous as an adult, or at least unable to commit to a single partner?

—Perhaps Overly Worried Father

Dear Perhaps,
Of course that's what it indicates. You'd better start thinking now about what you're going to do when she's a young woman and throws over that big, chubby guy with the annoying laugh, Barney, for the sexually ambiguous Tinky-Winky, whom she then dumps for that moron, Elmo, who every time they come over asks you to get down on the floor and tickle him.

—Prudie

this father is either reading too many parenting books, or reading too much freud, or perhaps even reading "An Exact Account of the Conversion, Holy and Exemplary Lives, and Joyful Deaths of Several Young Children." however you slice it, this dad is neurotic.

of course, there's really no reason for those stuffed animals not to rotate... say for every addition, an older animal goes to a charity of some sort so that other children can enjoy the toy that languishes in the bottom of an overfilled wicker basket... something that will help her learn to share and not be spoiled rotten... but we're just talking about the astounding leap of illogic that took place in the last few lines of that guy's letter.

whew!