Ah, perspective

there is an unbelievable amount of relief to be found in the realization that something which needs to be done simply *cannot* be done. when something can still be done, there is pressure to do it. when something cannot be done, there is no point in worrying over it.

i cannot finish the reading for tonight. even if i skipped work and read all day long, it could not get done. so there is no worrying over it. not anymore.

i will simply bring the book to work and spend any down time slogging through it. that's all that can be done, so that's all i'll be doing.

it's kind of odd how a disappointing revelation like that can still be freeing. this will be the first of the n. classes where i have not read. but it isn's as though i wasted the time. no house last night. or tuesday, or monday. over the weekend, one episode a night. very responsible.

the stipulation last night was that if i finished my paper by 10, i could watch an episode of house. but i finished it at 4 am. so, no house, obviously. it was all i could do to go to bed after printing it out.

and, since there really was no way to accomplish the reading task, i let myself sleep to 7. there's a sleep-in right there. it was nice to wake up and not have to leave the apt while it was still dark out. i ate a sit down breakfast and read a while before driving up to the s2 lot. i got into the office around noon. i ate a granola bar and a cup of fruit for lunch. i checked student email and the teaching listserv. we're all being asked to make up for the system's inherent problems by doing more than our shares. but this is usual.

and now i'll be going to work. when i get off at about 4, there will be canned soup, canned fruit, and steady reading until class. then, silence. because this is what i am capable of right now.

a single mug of tea last night sent the evil twinges of doom through my bladder. if that's all it takes at this moment, i need to spend more time watching my health than cramming for class.

this is my perspective. and it's a relief.

love and peace (and drink up, me hearties, for the uti threatens)