three cheers for d*ll
this new computer has been quite nice. i've only had one major problem with it that can be attributed solely to the computer itself. there have been several problems with my internet provider [don't tell sbc about it, or they'll come by my apt to woo me], but that was switch-flipping on their part. the computer has been good to me. the mouse and keyboard also, quite lovely. the speakers wig out on occassion, but they are cheapo, came-with-the-system speakers that i never expected much from in the first place. and even they work well enough most of the time.
before i bought the d*ll, i had a printer. this printer was a lexmarkz32, and it had followed me from my undergraduate years to my graduate years. its cartridges were expensive, but then, most ink cartridges are. i learned to have two at a time: one in the printer, and a spare. i'd buy a new spare whenever i had to switch them out. always two, there were, a master and an apprentice.
there was nothing wrong with this printer. it was not terribly slow, or even kind of slow. it did not print in streaks, it did not crumple pages. it had had about three paper jams in its long, long life.
the d*ll came with a new printer. there was no box to check that said "keep your printer, i'm happy here." like the mouse, keyboard, and speakers, the printer was a part of the package.
i planned to hand the new printer, box unopened, to AMS, who was in need of a printer. she was understandably upset at the thought of taking a new printer when the old one would suffice. i guess i understood. i mean, i did unhook the old printer and hand it off. i did put the new printer in its place. i even installed it using the cd.
that first week, i saw the insidiousness of d*ll and the printer they [d*ll, not AMS] had tricked me into accepting. the printer came with an ink cartridge -- trial size. the sort that run dry after printing off a batch of stories for a workshop, or that last through the first battery of papers due in a semester, but then sputter out to grey.
i shrugged, and planned to stop by the printing section of walmart next time i was in the area. and there, dear readers, is the true evil of the printer from d*ll.
a person cannot purchase a d*ll cartridge in walmart. not in office max, or office depot, or compusa. one must purchase an "authentic" cartridge from d*ll itself. one must log into the d*llish website and slog through offers of many cartridges at a [marginally] cheaper price. when one finally discovers the cartridges one wants, one must click through screen after screen to select these cartridges. one is offered a d*ll credit card [i do not know what kinds of idiots would want this... if one of my readers fits into this category, please comment and let me know that you are not an idiot]. one is asked to verify credit card information. one loses the discount and more in steep shipping and handling charges. one must be sitting at one's doorstep for the delivery truck, lest one's neighbors walk by and abduct one's clearly marked and lonely ink cartridges.
the printer from d*ll closely monitors ink levels. when there are still hundreds of pages left, the printer begins to send pop ups to the screen, alerting the user that it is time once more, to visit the friendly folks at d*ll, nevermind whether you have a spare about. when printing from word, any print settings one sets must be re-set in the d*ll print menu, or else be lost forever.
this printer is no more efficient at its job. it's just more irritating and in-your-face about doing that job. it doesn't let you forget that it's a printer, and that it came straight out of d*ll.
recently [read: tonight], i discovered another reason to harbor deep feelings of resentment and whatnot toward this printer.
this printer, unlike the old one, does not print envelopes. oh, don't get me wrong. there's a sliding tab for adjusting the paper size to that of an envelope. there's a tiny embossed picture on the paper tray describing the proper placement of an envelope. but when these are all proper, the envelope prints out blank. no matter what i do. so much for SASEs. the other printer could print out those large envelopes for mailing flat packets of paper. this printer's mouth is too narrow to fit them in. so much for fancy envelopes that look nice to editors.
so thank you, d*ll, for your POS printer and its demanding, whiny pop ups. when the ink is gone from my latest journey to d*ll and back, i'll be exchanging for whatever lexmark is around. i've finally had it with you.


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